fallen at his feet.

i claim to embrace His grace and love. i do, actually. but now, fears crawl up to me and consume my presence, and every hope.

i am usually glowing in confidence. even if i am at the deep end of the valley, i know i am good and that i am capable of excellence. yet, i am starting to look down at the grounds. the glory fades away, leaving me in subtle tears. silence, being the only living that i feel comfortable with.

i ask, i seek, i ask, i seek, i ask again, and there i seek again. this is not a game of hide and seek. i plead to know the direction that i should walk. i could weep, i could scream, it could almost be agony. i look in the mirror, what is becoming of me?

faith? i have to cling onto it. oh please do not tear my hands away.

straight path? did He not give to me? or did i just not see? are monetary issues the root of everything? i know they are worth nothing more than the thin bark of trees. so why is it groping onto me?

i am sinking into quicksand already. i can spend twenty four hours thinking, or even a week in thoughts. but i still find no answer. or maybe, the answer has been carved out on my forehead. maybe you could read and tell me? i feel lost, and disillusioned.

i am not of any calibre to be an adult. inside me, i hear the screams of a child tired of living in the costume of a retired teenager. i am almost falling to my knees. oh correct me, i am already on my knees.

oh Lord, please guide me. You are the counsellor of my life. for the wisdom that is unfound in me, oh Lord please fill my questions with answers, please shake the doubts into nothingness. in this maze of life, where my world sometimes reeks of conformity, please use me to glorify Your name. i seek to glorify Your name in all that i do. please lead me to the path of Your will.

oh Lord, please hear my pleas.

see that rainbow.

i am quitting. hurray!

little scout and the compass.

i get hit by this a little too often, feeling i am lost in a rainforest. i hear the sweet sounds of nature, i feel the light raindrops sliding off my moist skin, through the side of my eyes i see rays of sunshine reflecting softly off the dew on the leaves. though nerve-wrecked knowing that i am lost for directions, my heart beats in a regular pounding manner. i take comfort in knowing that each step i take forward, is a step closer to Him.

homestay.

been to the docs, and back. medicine, they make me feel like i am sick. but, oh well, i guess i am. am i supposed to get better? i hope i will, anyway. being ill equates to half of me vanished.

bored stiff, the air i am breathing is reeking of boredom. frumpy saturdays, how could this be happening to me? i hope this pair of tickets cheers me up. the silence and serenity of the theatre should ease my rocking frustrations.

off to a relaxing shower now, thinking about food makes my saturday seem happier already. first thing upon reaching destination, hot fudge sundae! yummy.