somebody.

Somebody
Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things

But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

the 19th day.

19 days of january have come and gone by. this year is running on such a quick rhythm, i am hardly keeping up. if 2006 is a treadmill, i have long lost that pace and have fallen flat on my face.

someone please tune that treadmill to a decent speed. now!

god, rain or shine.

everything gets back on track once i get my focus fixed up. whenever i stray away from God, my life crumbles and like a messed puzzle, i struggle endlessly to piece my broken self back together by my own strength, and not His. my own strength is like that uhu glue that cannot even keep my favorite sandals together, while God is the self-sacrificing father who carries me on His back when i have lost all strength to take even one more step.

for close to two weeks, i tried to conquer the world on my own. i was battered, bruised and defeated. emotions can cause an overkill, adoration can tear you away from happiness, isolation becomes warmer than a human touch and emptiness can seem the safest place on earth. without God's peace and counsel, life is colorless and withered. yet that gray world of no colors can seem so low, till you want to stay put there forever. it is rockbottom, they say. where else can you go?

well, now that i have regained my sight, and my eyes are tightly fixed on Him above. i know that wherever i am, i have the right to feel peace in my heart and joy. plus, i have the right to get back on my feet and climb happily up the ladder to a happier place, and a happier me.

and so, the gloom is over, finally found the strength to tell Him that i am sorry, to have taken Him for granted, even if it is just for two weeks. in gladness and thanksgiving, i know i am forgiven, through His ever amazing grace. being caught up in a bustling city lifestyle is no excuse. a sweet friend once told me: life is like a piece of paper. draw a vertical margin on the paper. and keep that only for god.

if i could do that when i was a nine-year-old school kid, and never scribbled my trash into the margins. i am sure that i can learn to manage the margins of my life now. just takes some practice and self-discipline. not going to be easy, but i know god deserves my praises, time and attention.

back to lighter topics, i have finally completed something that i owe for one and a half weeks. well, if this falls through, i am probably going to knock my head against the wall and whine for three days till my neighbours clobber me into concussion. god, i pray that you will grant me this opportunity.

and guys, happy new year! if i have not said this to you, yet. but i guess i have not, because my new year has just begun!

cheerios!

nursery rhyme.

i heard what you said.
it keeps ringing in my head,
and something tells me that i will remember,
remember, remember.

i will write it down somewhere,
maybe tattoo it on my neck,
just so that i will always remember,
remember, remember.

the world is spinning.
my head is fucking hurting.
i can't wait for tomorrow.
when i wake, i will never remember that name.
never, never, never remember.