darkening dark circles.

my holiday is almost coming to an end and i am still facing the same old wacky problem.

i had been yawning and tired since 10 p.m. and yet, i am still awake now, at 2 a.m.

what's the logic? i probably need a sweet lullaby to lure my warped and awake cells into slumber.

good riddance.

the garden of roses you gave last christmas bloomed into a house of sharp thorns.

ain't it funny to do a spring-clean and end up stuffing yourself into the trash bag, rolling yourself into the chute? but well, that happens.

what's in an expiry date?

munching happily on a hongkong's ever renowned 'wife biscuit' specially flown in by my aunt, i find myself pausing for a moment now amidst the chewing.

below states what's printed on the exquisite golden-rimmed packaging.

best before:
dd/mm/yy
$ 4.50

now tell me, what's in an expiry date?
price?

remembering his name.

they remember his name. he slips in with such ease, like the way i fit into the crowd. you are family now, my love. i know it when they call you by your name.

question and answer.

'why is it only now that i find out about this?', i keep asking myself.

why not earlier? things could have been vastly different.
for good or bad, i do not know. by a typical human's perceptions, it would have been many tonnes easier. it saves time and money, and we can move on to living our dreams sooner.

but, God, you allow this to happen. so needless to say, there is a purpose behind this. so let me move on from this and God, lead me to the right path that i should take, please. i am really rather tired from thinking.

decision jury.

the left fights the right, while the right kicks back with no reserve. my head is getting dizzy from the constant bickering arguments and debates. i have heard enough reasons, excuses, fears, concerns, practical and impractical options. all coming from me, myself and i am about to punch myself in the face, the decision jury in my head is fighting its guts inside out.

do i list the pros and cons, do some math and conclude?
do i follow what makes me happy?
do i take the 99.9% safe and predictable path?
do i take a vote and just do a count?
i know i should simply follow God. i am ignorant, while He is my wise counsellor.

God, guide me? well, i know God is already guiding me. i am just not focusing enough to see. i am misplaced by personal fears, and earthly worries. trust, have faith, pray. God will always give me the best. all i have to do is to open my arms and receive. if i do not even dare to walk through this opened door, how do i receive His blessings?

all these are easy to say, yet hard to place into practice. but i hope i will be able to place my life in His hands, and stop fighting to take control. sometimes, all i have to do is follow Him. oh God, let me see, and i will surely follow after you.

get well soon.

my heels makes a visit to the doctor after spending barely ninety minutes at work. the only good out of this is the natural slumping into bed after the doses of medicines. i do not usually sleep well, but i slept for four straight hours earlier. my body must have really needed this rest.

i am spinning my magic wand a million rounds, let the medicines get my health back in order. my skin is not pale, but my body is certainly not in tip top condition. the doctor is expecting to see me in a week's time for a review, and i am hesistant about it. if my stomach's condition does not improve by then, i will be sent for a scan. and so, i shall spin my wand many times more, churning words into prayers.

stomach, get well soon. take care.

dad the monkey.

i watch suspiciously as dad walks in cheekily through that door.

'who are they? your friends?' dad asks mum, as he takes a glance at the four formally-dressed vietnamese ladies seated elegantly at our green couch, along with a finger-pointing gesture.

mum, totally wide-eyed, returns dad with a disapproving look, then dad bursts out laughing as his friends look at him, all stunned in bewilderment.

too often, i wonder when my dad will grow up.
but i guess, never.

late night friday.

crippled all week thanks to the compulsory early nights and premature rude awakenings, i have finally arrived at my favorite day of the week, friday. after being whiney and grumbling for five consecutive nights about having to sleep early to get up early, i can finally dump that early bird into the bin with a smirk. it is such joy to be happily typing away at two a.m, with no worries about waking up the next morning with puffy eyes, looking like an authentic furry china panda. it is the weekend for goodness sake, i can look like a panda/koala/whatever if i want to.

oddly, i am awake not because i want to surf the internet or to chat. neither is it the need to blog, before my brain's hard disk crashes, and please do not even think that it is insomnia. i am dead tired at this moment, and my eyes are giving way. but i insist on sleeping late/later because it is friday! this calls for a celebration. and so, here i am, scribbling my thoughts by typing furiously, as i struggle to keep my heavy eyes open. weekends are precious, i will simply refuse to give the night away to sleep.

ballooning away.

bottling up these days, i find myself ballooning away. i have turned silent, and my smiles are becoming few. i cannot say that i am not happy, that would be a lie. but i know something is odd about myself. something is creeping up my back. it is either the boredom that is driving me paranoid, or fear that is making me blow through the roof.

i feel i am on the outside of the glass, looking into your world. i can see everything, but i feel left out. i feel very much alone. i am the spectator, i do not live the same life. i feel isolated, and i do not know to rejoice or to grieve.

should i join the school of fish, and swim in the packed polluted ocean?
or should i continue living the contented fairytale life in my fish tank?

of course everyone will label me an ignorant idealistic child. but i guess, all i wanted was to dream, and live a dream. maybe all i wanted, was a fish tank as huge as the seas, clean and free for all to swim happily ever after. or maybe i am a tiny fish in the big blue ocean with a calling, to stand up for a pollution-free ocean?

blop, blop. bubble. till i find my answer, i shall continue swimming.

kitchen store.

mum picks up the phone, obviously occupied with her telly.

ma, do we have any lettuce at home?

lettuce? what is lettuce?

lettuce? the one the pigs always eat, that is lettuce. argh, nevermind. can you see if we have potatoes?

alright, i will check. (fumbling noises.) ya, we have potatoes.

okay, how many?

one.

one? argh. nevermind, forget about it. do we have any food at home at all?

ya, we have. onions. we have two onions.

silence.

drip drip drenched.

i am all soaked in His blessings!

clover shower.

prayers are always answered in God's own manner. whatever the outcome, we rest assured that it is always with the best intentions He has for us. in this walk of life, faith in Him is essential.

cheer me up sunflowers.

what makes your cheerless glum days slightly more bearable?

sunflowers?

chocolates? or comedies?

chocolate ice-cream usually comes to my rescue, but it just seems insufficient today. and what is worrying, is that i am indifferent about it. i do not even care to find the remedy. why bother? since i am expecting tomorrow to be a rerun of today. a pout, and many frowns.

nothing much is happening. i must have gotten off the wrong side of bed again this morning. else, it must be age catching up on me, am i that old? not really, i speak like i am a century-old antique sometimes. someone, please remind me that i am just twenty-four. in any case, i refuse to think that someone's actions had caused me to stop smiling.

anyway, i am already feeling much comforted after writing this chunk of words. writing always calm my churning emotions and get me hushed. ta da, maybe the remedy has found its way to me afterall.

take care guys, enjoy the weekend!

internet station.

the house's wireless is down and the not-too-long cable has not been too helpful. being seated next to my lovely pet pigs can be a bad choice, when their constant napping stunts and food munches make me hungry and sleepy all at the same time. so now i know where the lazy bugs are coming from.

cookie is in slumber, while cracker is actively trying to up a dress size. me? i shall just continue enjoying my dosage of the internet before bedtime, and listen to the therapeutic falling rain.

occupied lungs.

still coughing, with no consciousness of how loud i can get. i wake up every morning, with both my dad and mum nagging me to make a trip to the doctor. must i? i do not like the smell of clinics. it makes me feel bleached.

the bottle of medicine had been consumed by my reluctant obedience, yet the cough just gets more stubborn. i have gotten the second bottle today. perhaps the cough will soon get sick of me and depart. i hope it is soon.

i should turn in early tonight, the weather is perfect. i love rainy nights, cuddle cuddle.

till then.

this is going to be kept short. i have to jot this date down because something awesome happened tonight. i am not going into details till the time is right. shhhhhhhhhhhh. sweet secret.

pink life saver.

and so the 14th is a much better day. the downpour has subsided and the sun is out in the deck.

lucky day. just ten steps out, and a taxi was there to chaffeur me to my lunch. i love zero waiting time. having fast food for lunch made my day, and i celebrated by buying the cough medicine that i seriously needed. i could not sleep last night, the cough kept me awake and tossing in bed. it was hard not to wake the whole house up. i cannot believe i am paying money to torment myself. i hate medicine. i usually evade it for as long as i could, but a week of dry cough is a little too much to bear. it is like keeping a hundred feathers in your throat, teasing and tickling you constantly, giving you no peace.

anyway, i hope the coughs will stop soon. and peeps, enjoy your weekends. night!

let go of my hand.

can i be the lonely star in the darkness of skies?
can i have no light around me, can i hide in the darkness that you cannot see?
can i let go of your hands?
can i be alone? keep me in a box, and keep the lock tightly clasped.
take the sun away, i like it bleak and dark.
can i not care about you anymore?
can i turn back time? can i forget, forget, forget?

sleep soundly.

can i be tired?
if i run 5 kilometres now, will i be tired?
can i sleep forever?
please.