familiar merry-go-round.

going in circles must be one of my favorite pastimes. since ten years of age which i consider a safe estimate, i have been making the same old plans and resolutions. from the boring typical resolutions such as to shed my laziness for diligence, to shower my parents with more love and courtesy, to the adulthood sort of resolutions such as to be a wiser person capable of reaching a decision on my own, to the shallow barbie class of resolution of sticking to a moderate diet et cetera. the list could hit a hundred, maybe even more, yet i am perpetually side-tracked from achieving them. my feet just cannot keep on the right path.

peculiar sight. i am now much older, but not much wiser. efficiency level of my so-called resolutions is still a guaranteed absolute zero. oh someone, please help!

lately, i have been wrecking my head to sort some crossroad issues. the level of understanding that i have of myself is totally insufficient for me to conclude what i should do or rather, what i want to do. the battle continues between my indecisive brain cells, while i quietly seek peace by escaping. just not think abt it anymore, i thought to myself. but of course, that would also mean, my life will come to a halt. i will not progress. i will just sit here, let gleaming eight-shiny-legged spiders plant their cobweb roots in me, nurture their generations as i turn gray. this is insane, i still behave like a toddler, incapable of self-survival. i need to reach another level of independence. it is not about living alone for years abroad, it is not about being responsible for your own laundry or meals. it is about knowing the direction in life you want to take, and getting there. i need to learn a new skill, so now, what can get me started on growing up?

now that brings me back into my cute ol' familiar round circle, i am plodding back into the field of planning once again. it is nothing more than a set of guides or rules that one sets, hoping it will bring us all somewhere we want to be, or simply makes us a theoretically improved person.

if my guts are not consumed by laziness, my next entry will be about plans or a self-written list of guides or rules. let's see if self-improvement blog entries help organize my life.

meanwhile, i am off to bed. good night folks, i am off to claim the lucky draw i have won: 8 hours of sleep. sweet dreams.